Never let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
I'm not a 12-stepper, but I have great respect for some of the slogans and traditions and values of 12-step groups and those who work the steps. HALT is one I heard years ago. I think it was in connection with eating disorders, but it really applies to all of life. I know it does for me.
What I like about it is that it's such an easy reminder that there are things I can do to keep my life and my actions and my choices in some kind of good balance. Taking care of myself is essential if I want to not turn that 'half-full' glass upside down and just pour ALL the water out! ;)
I'm not allowed to tell you about my former employer and how they treated those of us who were laid off. I think they've promised to hurt me if I do.
Instead, I'll just show you a newspaper article about a different company that seems to have actually treated their 'unwanted' employees well. I was not laid off from that company, unfortunately!
The author of the article about the other company has corresponded with others who were also laid off by that company. These are a few quotes I found interesting. They all reflect some of my own feelings about being a 'displaced worker' (what the Employment Security Commission calls me).
* "Strangely enough," one person wrote, "My mood through all of this has been pretty upbeat. My friends and family have been very emotionally supportive throughout this process. I get the feeling that a lot of people out there are going to bat for me."
* For some people--myself included--the high salaries offered by companies like Nortel are a honey trap that's hard to escape. But once circumstances make the decision for them, many people feel free to pursue more enjoyable and fulfilling careers. And they learn to live with less.
* For those of us who got hit by the revolving door, the tension of working in a layoff environment is over. The people still employed by Nortel have been putting up with that for more than six months (imagine how happy and productive they must be), and the recent announcement of another 10,000 job cuts isn't going to improve the situation. With the company stock now hovering around $8 per share, it's hard to believe that anyone is sticking around solely for the sake of his or her options.
And, this story looked interesting. It's a commentary on the how marriage is a package deal where you're not just getting your betrothed. Here are the last few pararaphs,
"As I said, you never know whom you're getting in the deal.
Whenever I'm at a wedding, I always glance across the aisle to the ''other'' side and wonder who they are and what dysfunction lurks there. I was at a wedding this summer in which the mother of the groom never spoke to the bride. I think that's a relationship that will work perfectly over the years.
One of my guilty pleasures is reading the wedding pages in the Sunday New York Times. I've done it for decades. I used to work with a woman who did the same, and every Monday morning we'd compare notes.
Do you think that family in Stamford, Conn., was happy that their summa cum laude-from-Princeton daughter married that guy who's a juggler?
But there's a new twist these days, with same-sex commitment ceremonies now being published in the Times' wedding pages. The first gay couple appeared just a few weeks ago."
"The only question left to be settled now is: Are women persons? And I hardly believe any of our opponents have the hardihood to say they are not." Susan B. Anthony - 1873
This is from Zuly's Theology Thursday post yesterday where she gave her answer to the question "Where was God on September 11, 2001?"
"God is Powerful, but the power of God is persuasion. That is, God’s power is exercised not in the form of God pushing us along, but instead through calling events forth. God calls us – inspires us – to act in a certain manner or do a certain thing. God does not intervene to compel you to action. God is the One Who Calls , the energy that calls other energy forward into greater complexity and beauty.
God has a plan, but it is not a master, immutable plan. God has an intention – a desire – a will, and thus will. God calls us to participate in this will as co-creators (God needs us, because God cannot and does not act alone – we are all energy events in concert with each other.) God has to work with what God has been given. Thus – God is not controlling who lives, who dies, etc. The future is genuinely open, and neither we, nor God, knows definitively what will happen tomorrow.
And that is why I believe God was not absent. I believe God was with us, weeping. I believe God was, and still is, heartbroken. I believe that’s why the birds stopped singing, and it felt like the whole earth had stopped turning. I believe it’s because we are all so utterly connected to the Divine. And the Divine had a broken heart.
So what did God do, while brokenhearted on that horrid day? I believe God was present, comforting the suffering and inspiring the living to keep going. I believe that God welcomed the dying, with gentle, outstretched arms. I believe God whispered in the ears of volunteers when they felt they could not go on. And I know God was with me, rocking me gently as I wept."
I just read a post about getting angry easily. At least, that's the part I responded to. I used up so much space in her comments box, I decided to just copy it here and say it to everyone. My disclaimer is at the end.
"I have mixed feelings about this. Not feeling anything, or totally leveling out, would be a loss. At the same time, if you are intensely or constantly angry, you need to keep moving through it.
You said it well. You need to channel the anger, not only into a more useful mental state, but into finding a way to work for justice. If the anger is overwhelming, maybe the focus will be finding a way to not be consumed by the fire, but rather finding a way to be transformed by it so that you come out of it stronger.
Anger provides so much energy. It is a wonderful resource if you have something you need to accomplish. And, if you are at a block in your creativity, and you can put that anger into words or music or color or dance or some other form, it is not wasted or destructive. It becomes a force for good in your life. It moves you along the way to healing.
Also, it's so much better to feel (and acknowledge) the anger than to lock it deep inside and turn it on yourself. My personal belief is that anger acknowledged reduces the power of depression. It is a release for so much feeling that was previously forbidden, and it makes so much emotional energy available for other things. (You just have to make good use of those feelings once you become aware of them.)
disclaimer - If this sounds like I'm telling you what to do, I'm not. I'm just musing 'aloud'."
"A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert.
During some point in the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who was slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand, 'Today my best friend slapped me in the face.'
They kept on walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped in the face got stuck in the mire and almost drowned, but his friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he carved in stone, 'Today my best friend saved my life.'
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend said, 'After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now you write on a stone. Why?'
The other friend replied, 'When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it, and when someone does something good, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever remove it.'
Against the shoulders of the mountains, mighty thermals rise ... clouds mass ... until lightning rips their bellies out. It rains.
Torrential flooding as if the world had turned upside down ... Sunlight breaks again ...
On the shadowed jungle floor tiny rivulets form ... raging over rocks and fallen trees ... plunge among rainbows into the cauldron heartbeat of the world. Desire is an endless river.
I was in it with her for a while, joined it seemed as if forever. Flowing together, the river opening out, always and everywhere her mind my sky, her eyes my fire. And then... and then the film broke. No sense, no reason, no way to stop her going ..."
This woman's work is based on the shadow described by Carl Jung. The basic premise is that what we cannot see in ourselves, what we admire or despise in others, is also a part of who we are.
Debbie Ford takes it a step further and says we should not only acknowledge the shadow in ourselves, we must embrace it and rejoice in it. And, in that acceptance we find freedom.
There are quite a few web sites that refer to this book and the theory (and practice of this theory) it presents.
Here is a good article from the New York Times. The only problem is, if you read this a day after it first appeared, you'll need a password to read it. But, it makes some good points.
Oh, nevermind looking it up! Here it is!
"BACKSLASH
It's Time to Turn Off Those Bells and Whistles
By MATT RICHTEL
Put down that SkyMall catalog. You do not need a juicer that has e-mail access. While you're at it, shove your cellphone, BlackBerry and other gadgets into the sock drawer.
You can pick them up again on Thursday.
That's the day after the anniversary of the terrorist attacks, a day that, among its many facets, lets us reflect on the mixed blessing of technology in our lives.
There's no doubt that we should raise a glass to the ubiquitous silicon chip for its dedication, dependability and overall contributions on Sept. 11. Cellphone calls from 30,000 feet and more than 100 floors up let some of us hear our loved ones for the last time. The phones delivered continuing reports of heroism. They permitted those of us a proverbial million miles from ground zero to call to tell one another: that plane just crashed into my heart.
Around-the-clock news updates — on television, over the Internet and through wireless hand-held gadgets — informed us on that day that our world was falling apart, and then that it would remain intact. For a few days, the one thing that seemed almost as important to us as kin was the constant flow of news.
The trouble is, we have so often abused technology and let it dull our senses. And so, on Wednesday, consider observing a moment, if not a day, of data silence. Pull the D.S.L. connection out of that forearm vein. Listen. Slow down. Understand that whatever it is you think you need, you don't absolutely, positively need it overnight:
• Do not instant anything. Your interpersonal relationships are not enhanced by setting a record for the sending and receipt of messages like "Hi. How R U," or "Insnt MssGng Is so kool!" When the urge hits for interaction, get positively medieval: write a letter. Write it on something that the old-timers called paper. Use your own font. Handwriting has personality — yours. Let "instant" be replaced by "anticipation."
• Do not call your orthodontist. If this sounds odd, you may not be familiar with the cellphone orthodontist principle. It comes into play when you are addicted to talking on the phone while driving but have run out of people to call. Eventually, desperate for anyone to talk to, you phone the guy who attached your braces in junior high and say: "I love what you did with my teeth. Are you busy for the next 40 miles?"
The point is this: On Wednesday, don't call someone unless you mean it. Save your minutes for Thursday. Don't fill dead air time with empty words. While you're at it, restrict incoming calls. Turn off the ringer. That person sitting across from you at lunch deserves all your attention. Pretend that he or she is a New York firefighter. Do not once say: "Hold on. That's the other line."
• Don't upgrade — anything. That empty nagging feeling you have? It's not the need for more megahertz. You will not feel any more connected to other human beings if you can see their virtual images more clearly on a new flat-screen monitor. Go outside and browse other people. Establish a wireless connection formerly known as the hug.
• Don't be caught on the 24-hour news merry-go-round. The round-the-clock, rapid-fire television news format has become a potpourri of factoids, rumor and important updates about what George Clooney had for lunch. On Wednesday, pull your head off the swivel. Don't be distracted by snippets. Read one entire news article start to finish, whatever the topic. Five minutes later, make a concerted effort to remember what the heck it was about.
• Don't multitask. Give your undivided attention. When you're nursing the baby, don't talk on the phone. When you're talking on the phone, don't check your e-mail messages. When you're checking your messages, don't clip your nails, browse the Web, pay your taxes, tell your mother you love her and keep running back and forth to the kitchen to see if you've received even more e-mail on your new juicer.
• Don't think about tomorrow. Forget about what advances are to come and whether you're falling behind. News flash: You're behind. Get over it. Instead, think about the past — not a year ago, but long before. Think about how technology, which has evolved into incredible gadgetry like cellphones, has evolved along another path into weapons of mass destruction. Think about how to use in-person diplomacy in your own life to settle old, tired, unnecessary disputes.
If you feel angry and vengeful, don't fight it. Use your destructive energy for good: Delete an emoticon. Kill a symbol. In its place, express a real emotion — good, bad or indifferent. Find the words — not symbols, acronyms or digital era short-cuts — that mean: I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry.
This Wednesday, keep it real. You can get virtual again on Thursday."
There are some interesting things being said on kalilily.net and on other places she has links to.
Here's an excerpt:
" ... what we're doing here in Blogaria. Women are gaining power and voice in a way that's never been before, and men are connecting in ways that are rare and special and human."
I'd like to just link to this, but I think it's an AOL Only site. But, go ahead and try, if you want to.
If it doesn't work outside of AOL, here's the article.
Have singles changed their minds about dating? Bridgette A. Cush, Love@AOL by Match.com
Involuntarily, September 11, 2001 became the first day of the rest of our lives. Very few things of such magnitude happen to us that are so beyond our control. In the aftermath, many people found themselves scurrying about here and there in an attempt to pick up the pieces that had been irrevocably lost — and changed — forever.
Numbness. Sorrow. Anger. Questions. Re-evaluations. Recovery.
In the days that followed, we witnessed a flurry of predictions — be it the infamy of terror sex leading up to a new-age baby boom or the real-life "Sex and the City" girls experiencing the Bridget Jones syndrome — one salient point slammed home to all single people all around the world: "Life is, indeed, too short..."
People were suddenly smitten by immediacy, the jolting realizations of their 6th grade "10 Things I'd Like to Accomplish in Life" lists had come full circle. "I'd like to get married someday…one day or sometime in life…" Life suddenly had an expiration date.
Almost immediately after the events of September 11, Match.com noticed that single women changed some of their thinking and practices regarding dating and finding relationships. As a result, women are becoming more proactive about finding someone to love and single people in general are now more open to ways of going about finding that someone. Possible solution: Online dating services.
Match.com saw a tremendous influx in traffic to its site, with new members in record numbers opening the floodgates to their heart's desire. And it's not surprising that hands down, people were turning to the things that truly matter in life. To hell with fancy cars and fat-salaried jobs, in times of chaos and crisis, Americans alike were reaching out for real arms to hold them and high hopes that those arms were reaching back.
Single folks who once enjoyed their singular status, those who were no more bent on finding a life partner than they were to coin their own flavor of ice cream, were starting to re-evaluate their romantic circumstances. The desire to become "coupled" had, at the very least, grazed the minds of even the most unswerving singles. One Match.com member who'd gloated on her single and fabulous lifestyle pre 9/11 reflects, "If I [were] hurt who would know? Who would go looking for me?"
It is not so unusual that major life changes prompt a bit of soul-searching, which is a catalyst for redefining priorities. And, according to the women using Match.com, some major realizations were in order.
"It can be difficult to obtain the real meaning of life, which is to live life. And we were meant to live life as couples, where we would share our experiences together, secure in the thought that our partner would always be there," one member said.
She isn't alone. Many members who posted their profile on Match.com following 9/11 referenced it in their profile texts. Some members, screaming their new-found perspectives and dating mantras to the top of their profile's headline, were clearly on a mission to find someone to share their thoughts, feelings and emotions — for a lifetime.
Match.com surveyed more than 800 single women and found that the type of relationship they were seeking migrated from something more casual a year before, to something more committed (or even marriage) in November 2001. More than half of the women surveyed said that finding a romantic relationship is more important today than a year ago, and most of the rest said it was equally important.
And not only have single ladies more consciously entertained fantasies of "Honey, I'm home," but have also become choosier when determining her "type." Just what does the potential-partner-most-eligible-to-put-the-H-in-honey do for a living?
So we asked. And 4,500 women answered. In another poll ran on Match.com, women were asked which profession made for the most eligible dates, and while not surprising that firefighters were in first place, we were a bit stunned to see teachers in the number two slot, beating out politicians, CEOs and stock brokers. In this case, traditional nice guys didn't finish last.
And just like that, single women worldwide began to exercise their given right to change their minds about all things dating. About the way she viewed life, about her opinions on who makes for a great date and where to go to find it. Could it be? The words we croon in our favorite sappy love songs or those anonymous clichés are finally having their day? Are the best things in life free? Is love all we need? Maybe. Maybe not. One thing is certain: Tomorrow is never promised. I guess in that regard we should take the advice of the famous Greek (or whoever said it) and "Seize the day!"
I really hadn't given much thought to finding a way to mark this date that has become a national catch-phrase. Too many people have used it for personal gain, either politically or economically.
But, for most people, there is also a personal connection. For some, it is a deeply personal and deeply painful connection, because they lost loved ones on that day. For others, it was a cause to reflect on life, death, this country, all of humanity, politics, spirituality, revenge, and forgiveness.
I'm not one to jump on any bandwagon if I can help it. I try to do my part for whatever I believe in by doing my own little things in my own personal ways.
This is what occurred to me today. What if each of us does something to change our own lives for the better, something to put us on a better path, something that will lead to healing and wholeness for ourselves. This will, in turn, spill over to those who are around us. That spillover will spill over, on and on and on.
This is why this thought came to me today. I am trying to get some financial assistance to help me go back to school to prepare for a new direction in my career. (Or, for the more direct, I need some new skills so I can be gainfully employed.) As it happens, the sign-up sheet for testing is full for more than a month except for one cancellation on one day ... September 11th.
My first reaction was that taking a test on September 11th, a test which will directly affect my future, would be like taking a test on Friday the 13th. This means, it should realistically have no effect, but it allows the mind to wander into superstitious shadows. I gave it some thought and put my name on the list for testing on that day.
This is where my 'idea' developed. This test directly affects my ability to pay for classes which will directly affect my ability to get a job in my chosen field which will directly affect my ability to pay my bills and continue to be a self-sufficient, contributing member of society. Going to school will directly affect my ability to pass more tests which will directly affect the amount of income I will be able to earn.
This all sounds terribly materialistic as I write it, but it did not seem that way as I thought about it this afternoon. What I was thinking was this. I will spend the anniversary of the end of the lives and loves and potential of thousands of people by taking positive action to improve myself, my skills, my confidence, my abilities, my potential, and my life.
The more complete I am, the more I have to offer others just by being myself. The more I can do to be all that I can be, the more my life can be a part of what is good in this world.
If this seems a bit over the top, just ignore me! ;)
If you can relate, I challenge you to find something you can do to bring healing and wholeness and some sort of personal development into your own life on September 11, 2002.
Do it as a tribute to those who no longer have that opportunity. Do it as a tribute to those to still do have that opportunity (in this country and throughout the earth). Do it as an act of grace and good will and as an offering of peace in this troubled world.
Aha!!! I just realized what I was seeing. My page was at the top of page three of the results! LOL. Well, at least that seems more normal. Why should my page show up before the person who hosts the show and the guest of the day?
But, you know what? The page for her show and the page for the book being discussed did not appear in the links before mine. Oh well.
If you've not heard her show, it's worth a listen sometime. She conducts some good interviews. And, she seems to be on top of all the topics she discusses. You can probably hear her on your local National Public Radio (NPR) station.
Do you suppose the hits that find me are any indication of what sort of things I'm interested in and blog about? It looks like the hits to this site from search engines (the ones that show up in my little sitemeter stats) are about physical and mental health issues. Art therapy, depression, bipolar issues, quadraplegia.
Today's hits were from two Yahoosearches. Bipolar + Husbands and Quadraplegic + Depression.
I was going to write a personal note, but maybe this applies to more than just the one to whom it was intended.
I sent something to a friend, and she wrote back asking me for the context. I don't know why I thought that was an unreasonable request. I'm not even sure I thought it was unreasonable. It's just that I didn't think I needed to explain it.
I said it was just something I had written. I said I send other friends things I've written, and they don't ask for context. I don't think she was happy with that answer. She said she'd just not known how to respond. She sounded like she really did have the best of intentions.
Sometime today, I was thinking about that chat and I realized that I want context, too. I need to know the circumstances surrounding things people offer me. I want to know what it is they are telling me and why. I want to know if they are looking for something from me. Comfort? Encouragement? My Opinion? An Argument? Nothing? I don't know why I thought it so odd that she requested some context for the little snippet I'd sent her.
So, when you read this, please know that I acknowledge to you and all that I believe you meant the best. I dismissed your request as trifling. I have since seen the error of my ways.
My friend wrote this, and is wondering why she got not response! Please respond here. :)
"Some time ago I bought a store brand ranitidine (is that pepcid?) and had the weirdest experience. The coating on the tablets tasted JUST like the marshmallows in Lucky Charms. Now I can't remember which store I bought them in! Anyone else have this experience?"
I wanted to link you to this post (below) on Kara's blog, but it doesn't have it's own reference number. It's short, so I'll just put it ALL right here!
"August 31, 2002
Saturday
After a fun night of music and dancing, she climbed into bed with the intention of having some seriously kinky sex with her girlfriend when she remembered she didn’t have one.
In the morning, as she returned from her daily 5mile run, she noticed one of the tires on her car was flat. She immediately went into the house and to the phone with the intention of calling her boyfriend to change the tire, when she remembered she didn’t have one.
